Wouldn't You Prefer Porn?

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Doing a final email check before shutting down the computer last night, I found several windows open - Google, Ebay and a link to an article by Randy Wakeman. The search terms caught my eye first:

"winchester model 12 16 gauge value"

????

Then the article:

What Is the Best Type of Shotgun for Me?
(Randy Wakeman, Senior Contributing Editor, Guns and Shooting Online)

No one here is into hunting or recreational target practice ~ no one!
And while Texas may license concealed weapons, we live in a tiny - and safe - rural community where there's just no need to conceal and carry. Even if there were, it wouldn't require a shotgun!

Dear Significant Other:
I know I may have been a little difficult to live with lately ~ okay, maybe even impossible, but you know it's not really like me to be so remote, critical, and condescending. And unappreciative. And angry. And demanding (well, perhaps a little demanding). I know how hard you've been working to keep things going around here, listening to me rant and complain, cleaning, cooking (oh, by the way, please don't use water under the baked chicken breasts anymore - they need to be crispy, not soggy, capisci? I don't need that kind of thing right now, I really don't!)

Look, I know it's easy to go looking online for solutions when you feel misunderstood and abused. It's just this darn bar exam! And BarBri, and Trusts & Estates. You know how well that law school class turned out (sidebar: you didn't tell your cousins that I would do a will for them, did you? You promised you wouldn't. So help me, if I get another call while I'm timing the MBE . . . ). Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that it will all be over soon, and things will get back to normal. Maybe not the 'normal' we had before the 3-year senseless beating and the incredible student debt load, but still, some kind of 'normal.' I think. Maybe. That's all for now. Oh, and about "The Rules" ? You know they were really more like, umm, suggestions, right? You do know that, right, Sweetie? But just as a precaution, I've temporarily suspended our Ebay account until August, okay?

p.s. And since we're all loving and understanding now, you wouldn't mind staying out of the house this weekend, would you? Call your customers on your cell, transmit orders from your brother's place? Starbucks has Wi-Fi. Or play golf, you know how you love golf - just go enjoy ~ all weekend. The weather, what about the weather? http://www.nbc5i.com/news/13615542/detail.html?subid=10101601
I'm sure you'll be able to work something out. Maybe grocery shopping, or the laundromat. I've made a list . . .