Why Am I Doing This?

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I am getting further behind on a daily basis. I feel like I have been stuck in Property forever. Doing BarBri lectures on my own (the 'more than 50 miles from a class/pay more $/MP3' version of bar prep) allows me to pause, think, make notes, work the hypos myself before continuing the lecture . . . but also allows me to get distracted. Mixed blessing or curse - I'll let you know which prevails when mid-July rolls around and I'm either very competent for having spent quality and quantity time on each subject, or completely screwed because I've only covered half of the 12 Texas Essay subjects when the 24th rolls around.

Today my distraction and reason for falling further behind was taking time out to post a trip report on a Zihuatanejo message board. Before I hit the books every morning, I have tea and toast and either skim through the Dallas Morning News or peruse the latest bar blog postings. This morning was blog day, but as there was not much new online, I moved over to a Zihua message board I used to read and found a thread about another traveler's bad experience with a particular condo and property manager - a person who went far out of her way to assist SO and I when we visited there in March.

I spent far more time than I should have composing an account of our experience, but when I finished I thought about how much her extra effort had meant and my internal stream of consciousness led me to this question about bar prep: why am I doing this??

Stream-of-consciousness: usually regarded as a special form of interior monologue; characterized by associative (and at times dissociative) leaps in syntax and punctuation that can make the prose difficult to follow, tracing a character's fragmentary thoughts and sensory feelings.

Thought process:
Carmen the property manager was in a position to do whatever she needed to do to take care of the owner, the condo and the guests. [which led me to this unrelated event->] Last year I had a serious health scare while I was away at school, but as now, really didn't have time to deal with it. Then, as now, I handed everything over to SO to handle for me. SO contacted a doctor in the area who agreed to see me the next morning. Doc1 decided I should see a specialist, and while I waited in his office, called Doc2 and asked him to fit me in that day, which he did. Biopsy a few days later revealed that all was well, so the story ended quickly and well.

What exactly does this have to do with a Mexican property manager or the beating we're all getting from the bar exam [see above re: associative and dissociative leaps]?

They were all professionals in a position to make things happen; two with professional degrees, one without, but all in a position to make a difference by how they approached their job. And all three made a significant impression - think about the doctors who, after all, have entire staffs dedicated to playing gatekeeper and arranging their schedule just so - yet both took the time to fit in a complete stranger and offer professional assistance. After the medical episode, I told SO that "I want to be the kind of attorney that they (docs 1 & 2) are physicians."

That is why I haven't left the house in over two weeks. The reason that I continue to read things I hate and work tedious (often demoralizing) MBE questions. I want to be in a position to do the things that are important to me, whether at any given time that means supporting my family, winning a case for someone who needs help, the thrill of beating the pants off an unethical jerk of a lawyer, putting away a bad guy - or defending a person accused . . . whatever it is - I wanted to be THERE, so for now, I am HERE, doing this - getting back to that damn Convisor.